porn-addiction

Porn Addiction – The Ultimate Guide

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Porn addiction might be on the rise, but looking at pornography certainly isn’t something new.

We know this from the statue Venus of Willendorf, which is estimated to be more than 25-thousand years old. It’s believed that statuettes like her were used in ancient fertility rituals to increase sex drive and encourage procreation.

Back then, people may have been more open about sex, but today it’s something most of us don’t openly speak of – especially when there’s some deviance from the norm!

That’s the case with porn and porn addiction. While many might show off to their friends about watching porn, few are willing to tell anyone when it becomes a problem.

Conversely, we also have endless pseudo-psychologists diagnosing their family, partners, friends and even themselves as porn addicts. That without there being any official diagnostic criteria for the condition.

This doesn’t imply that the addiction doesn’t exist; it merely shows how sensitive we are to sexual behavior and how quickly we judge others and ourselves.

Most sexual activity is normal, including looking at porn, which has become widely available since the advent of the internet and smartphones. Possibly this explains why porn addiction is on the rise.

We probe into what defines porn addiction, statistics, causes, treatment and whether watching a lot of porn leads to crime, particularly of a sexual nature. Hopefully, it will give you the clarity you need to decide whether you or a loved one is a porn addict.

The fantastic news is that with treatment and ongoing support, porn addicts have a high recovery rate, unlike many substance addictions.

What is porn addiction?

Porn addiction happens when the brain adapts to become reliant on external stimuli to experience a rush of the feel-good chemical dopamine.

Substances are well known for triggering dopamine rushes, but behavioral processes can do the same. These are known as behavioral addictions, and most involve risk, pleasure or control or a combo of all three.

Although not recognized in any official medical and scientific diagnostic manuals, porn addiction falls into this category.

It can be defined as intense, repetitive and persistent urges to watch pornography, to the extent that it impacts normal daily functioning. Masturbation virtually always comes with porn addiction as well.

The brain drives the compulsive behavior because it’s become addicted to dopamine surges caused by the stimulation and pleasure from watching pornography.

Addicts cannot stop their behavior even though they may want to because changes in the brain drive their thinking and perceptions.

That’s what sets someone who enjoys watching porn occasionally apart from someone who’s addicted. The occasional viewer watches when they want to; the addict might no longer want to but can’t stop.

Why porn addiction isn’t a recognized condition

Because mind-altering substances don’t drive porn addiction, and it’s considered normal behavior, it isn’t accepted as an addiction by most influential professional bodies.

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) excluded it under addictions in the current fifth edition of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Still, it can be diagnosed under “other specified sexual dysfunction”.

Nor is it classified in the World Health Organization’s most recent International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) as an addiction or mental disorder.

The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) in 2011 redefined addiction as a chronic brain disorder. This was the first time they’d expanded the definition of addiction to reach beyond substances and include reward-seeking behaviors offering some recognition.

To date, no official US controlling body for sex and relationship therapy or psycho-sexual counselling has accepted porn addiction as a separate condition with distinct treatment protocols.

No diagnostic proposal has been approved into any official government diagnostic manual, so treatment is provided mainly by private, professional counsellors who specialize in addiction.

Diagnostic and treatment models are often based on research and publications from the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP), founded by the renowned sex addiction counselor, Patrick Carnes.

Key porn addiction statistics

Since many professionals refuse to diagnose porn addiction, statistics are open to question and potentially understated. But if you listen to the vox populi, then it’s overstated. People readily accuse others of addiction to pornography or suspect themselves out of guilt and shame for what may be normal behavior.

Statistics on online porn are far more reliable and give insight into just how popular it’s become. Anything online is easy to do in secret, so families often don’t realize a problem is brewing and only become aware once it causes difficulties.

Even when people recognize the addiction, they may not seek help or accept the situation because of the social stigma attached to anything around sexual behavior. Instead, families might try to resolve it internally, which is primarily unsuccessful because all addictions are a symptom of other, deep-rooted psychological or health issues.

Individuals coming from cultures or religions with a very restrictive attitude towards sex are unlikely to admit they’re addicted or seek help. This places extreme pressure on close relationships and causes the addict severe anxiety.

Despite the difference in opinions, professionals treating porn disorders agree that the problem is rising, and patients are getting younger due to online porn.

Here are some statistics on the use of pornography in the USA –

  • 40 million Americans visit porn sites regularly
  • 70% of men aged 18 to 24 visit porn sites at least once a month
  • Men aged 35 to 49 make up the largest audience on online porn
  • 28,250 people are watching porn online every second
  • 20% of men and 13% of women admit to watching online porn at work
  • One-third of porn viewers are women
  • 37 new porn videos are released daily
  • 25% of search engines requests are related to pornography
  • 116,000 daily searches are related to child porn
  • 35% of all internet downloads are porn-related
  • 34% of internet users have had uninvited exposure to pornographic content
  • Less than 10% of Americans are sex addicts
  • 90% of children under the age of 18 have access to the internet
  • The average age of first exposure to porn is 11 years old
  • 93.2% of boys had watched port before they turned 18
  • 62.1% of girls had watched port before they turned 18

What causes porn addiction?

So far, no specific cause for porn addiction has been identified, in spite of numerous studies.

Researchers have identified a combination of factors that make people vulnerable to all sex disorders, but none of them is a definite predictor of developing an addiction.

The prime factors are –

  • Existing mental health conditions
  • Other addictions, such as drug and alcohol abuse
  • A family history of addiction
  • Previous abuse, particularly sexual abuse in childhood

Mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, personality disorders and poor impulse control, can trigger porn addiction. Social isolation, low self-esteem and performance anxiety can play a role too.

It’s known that certain mental illnesses and neurological disorders can cause sexual preoccupation – bipolar disorder, epilepsy, dementia and specific head injuries among them. A medical diagnosis is essential in these instances, and treatment options are available.

Certain substances can increase sex drive but also make people anti-social, leading to loneliness. They may then turn to the fantasy world of pornography for fulfilment.

Science agrees that there is a genetic link to addiction that leaves people predisposed. Although this genetic link is still mainly applied to substance addiction, many tie it to behavioral addictions.

Studies indicate poor impulse control and obsessive-compulsive traits are present in the majority of addicts. In addition, addicts are well known for replacing addictive behaviors and substances with others. Hypothetically, porn addiction could be used to replace another habit that is stopped willingly or unwillingly.

Any ongoing domestic abuse will lead to fear, anxiety and depression within the household. Online porn is like fantasy and can easily be used to escape reality. The soothing effect, over time, can lead to compulsive behavior.

Where children are exposed to sexual abuse or pornography, their perceptions of sex, intimacy, love and control become distorted. They also become desensitized to rough sex and can associate sex with violence. As they get older, they can find fulfilment in online porn.

Some experts believe porn addiction triggers the same reward system and brain circuits as substance abuse, but there’s no scientific evidence to prove this. It’s widely recognized that sex triggers the brain’s reward system to release dopamine, but whether it can lead to porn addiction is unknown.

Some evidence points to social circles. Regularly mixing with friends that are preoccupied with porn can create interest. However, other underlying mental or emotional issues must be present for it to develop into an addiction.

Signs you have a porn addiction

A mental fixation on watching pornography dominates porn addiction. Addicts feel a constant compulsion to see porn, often watching at work, school or other inappropriate places.

Apart from the risk of being caught, work suffers since your mind is focused on porn and not doing what you should be doing. In extreme cases, this obsession with porn can cause people to lose their job or drop out of education.

Not only that, but it can disintegrate friendships and even relationships, particularly intimate ones.

Signs can include –

  • A preoccupation with porn to the exclusion of all other activities
  • Constantly talking about pornography
  • Inappropriate or risky behavior to watch porn
  • Living into the fantasies of pornography
  • Secretly watching porn and hiding all evidence
  • Pressurizing a partner into sexual activities that makes them uncomfortable
  • Habitual masturbation when engaging in porn
  • Turning to porn to avoid emotions or find consolation
  • Chronic lying to family, friend and employers to cover up porn use
  • Gradual loss of control over thoughts about pornography
  • Loss of interest in regular sex, even in a long-standing relationship
  • Unable to perform during sex and loss of enjoyment of sexual intimacy*
  • A decline in self-confidence, self-esteem and ability to socialize in a healthy way
  • Experiencing negative consequences, like divorce or job loss, but still watching porn
  • Feeling deep remorse or self-retribution, but being unable to stop

*A study of men with a porn disorder found that within the study group, 60% had difficulty achieving an erection or being aroused by a real partner but could achieve an erection watching porn.

This same research acknowledged that brain responses to chemical substances are mirrored by responses to natural rewards, inferring the genetic link theory but not proving it.

Withdrawal: although mainly associated with substance addiction, porn addicts can experience withdrawal symptoms when they limit or stop their exposure. Symptoms include –

  • Anxiety
  • Anger
  • Cravings
  • Depression
  • Guilt and shame
  • Restlessness

It’s believed that chemical reactions in the brain while watching porn are why porn addicts can experience withdrawal symptoms. Whilst there’s no substance involved, unnaturally high amounts of chemicals released into the bloodstream remain in the body, creating a tolerance and dependency.

An addict’s inner world becomes smaller and smaller as it becomes dominated by porn. As a result, everyone around them begins to suffer as they go back on their responsibilities, let people down, and become more detached. Obsessed by addiction, they might not care what the effects of their actions are on others, and even themselves.

Porn is not a harmless solo activity

As much as we want to think that pornography as a whole is harmless entertainment, when someone uses it to excess, it will cause harm to others.

Besides potential loss of employment or dropping out of school, partners of a porn addict can be made to feel inadequate, impacting their self-esteem and confidence. Their value system and morality can be infringed on, too, if they’re asked to do things they find distasteful.

For many, this kind of infringement can feel like a betrayal and violation of their being. They can develop trust issues and feelings of helplessness, amongst others that can follow them through life.

Addicts are often single-minded in their pursuit of self-gratification and can easily disregard the feelings of others or not consider them at all.

There’s another, darker side to pornography as well. It teaches disrespect and indifference towards, particularly women and children. Some people are more impressionable than others, and regularly watching porn can desensitize them, leading to their objectifying others.

Does porn addiction lead to criminal behavior

On its own – not likely!

Porn is commonly blamed for sex crimes, but research doesn’t support this theory.

There have been convicted offenders like Ted Bundy who claimed they were addicted to porn long before committing their crimes. But there’s no large scale evidence proving that it caused them to act out. Remember, too, that many criminals blame various addictions in an attempt to prove diminished responsibility.

A study conducted in Denmark concluded that – “personal dispositions — specifically sexual sensation seeking — rather than consumption of sexually explicit material may play a more important role in a range of sexual behaviors of adolescents and young adults, and that the effects of sexually explicit media on sexual behaviors, in reality, need to be considered in conjunction with such factors”.

Further research indicates that porn addicts tend to isolate themselves from society and spend inordinate amounts of time alone online. Masturbation is the most common form of sexual relief, and many have little interest in interacting with anyone else.

The main reason for social isolation, obsession aside, is that they don’t want to be questioned or made to feel guilty about their porn consumption. That can lead to loneliness, but porn is also self-soothing.

For someone to commit sex crimes, like rape or sexually motivated murder, other personality traits such as attitude, belief system, self-awareness and impulsiveness must be present and warped beforehand. To reiterate, addiction is only a symptom of a far deeper problem.

When an already emotionally and mentally damaged person becomes addicted to porn, they can act out their fantasies on innocent people. But they do this because they were criminally inclined before they encountered porn.

And since we know that we all live in a very emotionally and mentally damaged world, the US Department of Justice appears to echo this in their findings. Nearly unregulated, e-porn has an impact on crime and offender monitoring.

Another under-researched area is the effects on domestic violence. Only scant statistics are available. It can safely be assumed that it must play a role since porn addiction has such a devastating effect on committed relationships and leads to disrespect. Shame and fear of judgement probably lie behind why it’s hardly ever mentioned as a direct cause.

How to treat porn addiction

Behavioral addiction can only be treated successfully if the addict believes they have a problem and are committed to healing and change.

This, however, can take a lot of courage when it comes to conceding to being a porn addict. Where porn might be good for a laugh socially, admitting to being addicted could result in rejection and stigmatization.

Finding a healthcare professional who’s experienced in treating sexual disorders will make it easier and help avoid having the problem downplayed or even rejected.

The most successful form of treatment is talk therapy, and done face to face, either online or in person. Only a few private treatment centers offer inpatient treatment, and it won’t be covered by medical insurance. There’s no state or national funding for porn addiction treatment.

Where other addictions, particularly to substances, are present, rehabs might make an admission depending on the severity of the substance abuse. In this case, therapy for porn addiction can be conducted at the same time. During treatment, counsellors check for evidence for other underlying mental or physical health issues and make appropriate referrals.

Whether therapy is provided by a sex therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, their input alone cannot bring about healing. The most successful treatment happens when the patient and therapist work together to resolve often complicated problems.

Trust, honesty and openness are critical elements for an addict to understand themselves, regain their self-esteem and learn how to lead a healthy and balanced life once again. There’s no one-size-fits-all when treating porn addiction because underlying causes differ, as do personalities.

One-on-one therapy options

More than one therapy type can be recommended. If an addict watched a lot of violent porn, there would be a strong focus on re-sensitizing attitudes towards others. Therapies can include –

Psychodynamic therapy that takes a long-term approach to treatment. It’s derived from psychoanalysis and allows patients to openly discuss anything that’s on their mind to uncover thoughts and behaviors that contribute to their distress. The aim is to explore the connection between the unconscious mind and actions in daily life. This kind of therapy can continue for years, and research shows that people continue to improve over time.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy takes a short-term approach to identify thought patterns that negatively impact decisions and behavior. Its success is attributed to the belief that it identifies personal views about the self or external harmful and distressing situations. The approach is structured and focuses on addressing emotional challenges.

Behavioral therapy focuses on ways to change patterns of behavior and reactions to internal or external triggers.  There are various approaches, including –

  • Aversion therapy where unwanted behaviors are associated with uncomfortable or unwanted experiences to bring about gradual change.
  • Systematic desensitization combines gradual exposure to fears with relaxation exercises. Over time fear-driven reactions and behaviors are replaced with relaxation responses.
  • Flooding takes a different approach to fears and involves immediately facing them head-on and working through the effects to change perceptions and reactions.

Dialectical behavioral therapy takes a four-step approach: skills training group, individual therapy, phone coaching and consultation team. It’s designed to teach mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness and emotional regulation.

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing work well in cases that involve past traumatic experiences. It’s a relatively new, non-traditional treatment that takes an 8-stage approach that consists of reliving traumatic events in small doses while the therapist directs eye movement. The aim is to encourage the recollection of distressing events while diverting attention. This makes them less emotionally upsetting.

Support groups are beneficial because they provide a safe space within a peer-support environment. All support groups are run and attended by addicts in various recovery stages who can identify with your problems and provide advice and encouragement. They work very well to keep you responsible if accountability is what you’re looking for.

How to help someone with a porn addiction

Maybe the idea of pornography makes you cringe – but if you want to help someone with a porn addiction, you’ll have to deal with that on your own if you’re going to make inroads.

Because of its nature, people can be swift to judge and as long as you do that, you can’t truly help someone. You don’t have to like pornography or even understand it, but you must at least accept that your loved one has a problem with it that they can’t control.

If we harbor biases, they tend to come out at the most unexpected times, so getting rid of them up front is the best thing to do. If you come across as condescending or critical at any time during recovery, you’re likely to do more harm than good to both of you.

Prepare ahead before approaching them and wait for the most appropriate time when everyone’s relaxed, and the situation is private enough to speak openly. Carefully select who’s present and ensure that everyone, excluding the addict, is on the same page beforehand.

Try to avoid interventions because porn is such a touchy subject that can quickly escalate and get out of hand as opinions and accusations fly. Even a profoundly caring group of people addressing a very personal and embarrassing issue will probably result in an unreceptive attitude from the addict.

Instead, have only one or two people present and build trust from the outset by allowing the addict to honestly express themselves rather than laying down conditions and telling them how it’s going to be.

If the addict has admitted they’ve got a problem, it makes the situation much more straightforward. If not, and they’re in denial, your first hurdle is convincing them they need professional help. Almost all addicts genuinely believe they’ve got the situation under control, especially if their lives are continuing fairly normally from their perspective.

An attitude of love and kindness is imperative to success but also use caution. Assure the addict that you want to help, and not shame them. Avoid provocative questions such as “why” or “can’t you just stop”. They probably don’t know why themselves, and if they could stop, they would, particularly if it’s negatively impacting their life.

Keep bearing in mind that the whole experience will be very humiliating for the addict, so avoid harsh ultimatums and threats. See the entire exercise as a way to let them know that you understand and care. Plant the mental seed of getting help and finding recovery rather than dictating the pace of change.

When dealing with such a sensitive subject, you want to maintain everyone’s dignity, so afford the addict the opportunity of recognizing the value of change instead of being bundled into treatment. One way is to have options at hand before the conversation begins and let the addict go through and consider them.

Set rules and boundaries from the start, though, and once they’re in place, make sure you stick to them. For instance, things like being offline at certain times and not doing everything behind closed doors. Rules depend very much on the relationship between you.

If the addict is financially reliant on you or unemployed, set a budget that covers only their necessities and strongly encourage them to get on with their studies or find a job. Also, insist they carry their share of responsibilities within the household and make it not negotiable. The more idle time they have, the more likely they are to watch porn.

Recovery from all addictions is a slow process that happens over years rather than months. Abstinence is only the first step and doesn’t imply recovery; however, it’s vital to recovery.

Relapse happens very quickly for any addict in early recovery, and family and friends must understand this. Everyone supporting the addict needs to ensure that they don’t themselves partake in things that can act as a trigger in the addict’s presence—for example, watching a porn movie.

Remember, healing and recovery are a step-by-step process of courage and learning. Allow treatment to happen at its own pace. Although it might be difficult, a gentle approach will be much more successful in the long run than forcing the issue.

If you’re involved in an intimate relationship with them, it’s highly recommended that you get counselling for yourself to explore your feelings and find healing.

Treatment centers

Private rehabs are the only places that will admit porn addicts for treatment. If dual addictions exist, the main reason for admission is usually to treat the other addiction, and porn addiction is secondary.

Most centers will recommend outpatient treatment, which involves a full assessment and a comprehensive medical examination to diagnose and treat underlying health conditions.

Patients are given a detailed recovery plan and are referred to therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and medical doctors who will manage treatment and make further recommendations.

Another option is to find a suitable porn treatment professional in private practice who can devise a recovery plan and make the necessary referrals to relevant healthcare specialists.

Helpful telephone numbers

Books worth reading

All books listed are available on amazon.com –

  • Conquering Porn Addiction: 7 Steps to a Healthy Sexual Life – Gonzalo Salinas
  • Breaking Porn Addiction Through Rewiring Your Brain: Neuroplasticity forges new brain patterns, giving hope and help no matter how deep the habit  – Paul Crawford
  • Porn Addiction (How to Stop Porn Addiction Fast!) – Xavier Trafford
  • 90-Day Recovery Guide for Sex and Porn Addiction – Mark Denison
  • Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction  – Gary Wilson

Conclusion

Regardless of appearances, porn addiction has more to do with underlying issues than with sex. This is evident from research into whether porn initiates criminal behavior. What is known is that violent porn desensitizes viewers and encourages the objectification of others.

At the heart of porn addiction lies unfulfilled and unmet needs and inadequate coping mechanisms. The cause of these problems is diverse and unique to each individual. Complicating matters is society’s attitude around any type of unusual sexual behavior. It’s the main reason addicts, and their families are not reaching out for help, even when the problem is severe.

Porn only offers temporary relief by activating the brain’s reward system and creating dependency. In most people, this isn’t serious, and they can manage it well. Unfortunately, in a small minority, this reliance on the chemical dopamine builds an obsessive drive to get more, leading to addiction.

While genetic and hormonal factors likely play a role, mental health problems usually exist that need to be addressed to break the addiction. Existing dual addictions or specific medical conditions can lead to porn addiction too.

A professional must diagnose porn addiction before anyone is labeled because what’s acceptable and what isn’t when it comes to pornography varies significantly from one individual to another. True porn addicts have lost control over their watching to the extent that nothing else really exists for them.

Their lives descend into an obsession at the cost of their education, jobs, family and friends. If someone is still doing well at school or work, contributes to home and society and is a good partner or friend but watches a lot of porn, it’s improbable that they’re an addict.

Equally, if porn is causing your life to fall apart, it’s crucial to know that help is available. Whether you’re suffering because of an addict or think you are a porn addict, know that it’s a very treatable condition and inpatient admission is seldom necessary.

That way, you or your loved one can get treatment privately, and no one else needs to know.

Sadly, as with all mental health issues, untreated porn addiction will worsen over time, eventually eroding all quality of life.

If you’re concerned, reach out, even if it’s just to get peace of mind.

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